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Saturday, January 12, 2008
Love. How can a word so simple be so complicated? It's so easy for me to fall in and out of 'love'. I have the slightest suspicion that I've never even been in love. If I'm convinced that I'm in love with someone, but after only a month I only like them as a friend, what does that mean? Does it mean I only felt affection towards them or that I have some commitment problems? The only person I've ever liked for more than a year is Ryan Scott, and that lasted for..about 9 years. Was I in love with him? I couldn't possibly have been, I was too young! I started liking him at age 4 or 5, and stopped last year. Maybe the only reason I even liked him at all was because there was no one else around. And he was the only boy I really got to know as a friend from age 4 to 10, and from then on I just wanted to hold onto my childhood love. How did this blog even change to this? That's not the point. I guess love isn't meant to be understood. Or maybe I'll only understand it when I truly fall in love. |
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Friday, January 4, 2008
So the new year has begun. My resolutions are quite simple, really.
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Thursday, January 3, 2008
Of all the choices at my school, this year, I've only found one person in my grade attractive. That doesn't mean that I have some undying crush on him or something, it just means that I think he's good-looking and a fun person to have a conversation with. Today, he was talking to his friends about something I have no idea about, and suddenly added me into the conversation by saying "Yeah, Erin thought I was as dumb as a rock when she first saw me." I didn't even realize what was going on. "What are you talking about?" I asked, "I'm not just gonna take one look at you and think, 'Yeah, he looks like he's really stupid.' What even makes you think that?" Without answering my question he just asked "Then what did you think about me when you first saw me?" How am I going to answer that? "Oh yeah, I thought you were hot." Duh, no. I just didn't answer, I changed the subject back to me thinking him stupid. And then, of course, he did as he usually does by saying completely retarded. "Even if you didn't think I was stupid when you first saw me, that's what I thought when I saw you." Ugh. Of course he said he was kidding and all that, but why even say it? Things like that bring thoughts of the movie "Bambi" and little Thumper. "If you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all." How I wish people would actually do that. But that's actually quite hypocritical of me, seeing as I do the whole insult and then say 'just kidding' a lot. Back on subject, I was talking to a friend of mine, and I found out that another, not as close, friend of mine likes this boy. And she's pretty sure that he likes her back. I already assumed that that was true, because I have 2 classes with both of them in them, and woah they flirt a lot. At least in one of them. And I know I don't like him, because I'd probably be dying of jealousy, but no. The girl is so sweet and she's really pretty, so I wouldn't be able to blame him. And though he can be a complete idiot, he's decent at times, and quite cute, like I said before, so I think they would make a cute couple. On other news, I feel like I'm drifting from so many of my friends. I have no classes with a lot of them, so I never get the chance to talk to them. Plus I only hang out often with one of my friends, I don't know why. It's actually only one friend that I'm really kind of not been connecting with as much recently... It could be because before she was a little antisocial and only had my other friend and me as friends, pretty much. Well, we were her best friends at least. But now, she barely acknowledges me when I greet her in the halls, she's always too busy talking to other people to talk to me, and she just seems...different. I love her, but I want my old relationship with her back. I'm glad that she's making more friends, I really am, but I wish she would still make some room for me... |
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