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Thursday, November 27, 2008
Thinking about love, I've begun to realize a couple of things. 1. It's not fair. At all. How can I feel this way so often about so many people with no feelings returned? Why do I have to go through it so often? I revel in that feeling, but at the same time it's painful, because I know that no one feels that same way when they think about me. 2. Maybe love can be lost. Maybe divorce is really a necessary thing. Maybe I need to accept it instead of trying to prevent it. |
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Friday, November 14, 2008
i'll be fifteen in four days. not quite a child, yet not quite an adult. not yet able to drive... not able to date... what a disappointing birthday. |
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that feeling that eats you up inside and burns viciously, but as soon as it's gone, you wish it would last? the one that surges agonizingly whenever you see that one person, whenever you think about him, whenever you see their name... whenever you realize that you will never have a chance, because not only is he that nice to everyone, but you rarely talk to each other, and he's a senior, you silly, silly sophomore. and exchanging cell numbers means nothing, especially when it's only for business. that's what i'm feeling right now. that feeling makes me feel valuable, but worthless at the same time; beautiful, but unsightly; brilliant, but fatuous; witty, but slow. it makes me want to laugh uproariously, never stopping, but also to sob uncontrollably, so pathetically that i am incapable of speaking. worthless, inferior, inadequate, insufficient, deficient, lousy, imperfect, defective, no-good... |
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