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Sunday, February 22, 2009
i miss korea. so so much. this always happens: i am such a brat, and while i'm going through a really great experience, i complain and whine the entire time, because i'm ungrateful and a snot. before we left, i fought, tooth and nail, to the moment we boarded the plane. when we got there, i spent as much time as possible on the internet, finding any ways of communication with my friends back home. i actually got in several (hundred) fights with my sister about sharing the (her) lap top. now i just wish i had been more grateful, and had cherished my time there. everything was like a dream; the hazy sky, the towering apartments, the crowds of koreans... a beautiful, three-month long dream. every little aspect that i detested while we were there, i now love. the lingering, almost unbearable heat, the push and shove of the subway, the endless rows of clothing in the mind-numbingly large marketplaces, the compliments on how pretty i am by little old ladies sitting near me in the subway, the insane tv shows.... none of my friends really understand me when i try to talk to them about it. sure, they nod and agree when i explain how much i miss it, but i can see the disinterest in their eyes, and it encourages me to shut up. it's just difficult to put into words how i feel. being there never really fully felt real, true, but it inspired me to write more beautifully, to appreciate my experiences more, to have more gratitude for the easier life i lead here, to practice the cello more, to enjoy the simple things that are part of life... coming back to utah was possibly more mind-boggling than anything i participated in there. we exited the airport, the airport that i had been in dozens of times before, but everything felt different. the air was so much dryer here than i was used to back... home. yes, in the course of the three months, korea had become like home to me. i had even fallen into a routine. 9:00-wake up when mom comes into room and nags at lia and me for about an hour. 10:00- pretend like i'm getting dressed for exercise while really slacking off on internet (keep door locked for intruders, namely mom, of course). 10:30- after being yelled at for about a half hour, finally follow mom and sister out of apartment and to the recreational building, complaining the whole time. 10:35- walk briskly for twenty minutes, then proceed to 'fat-jiggler' machine. 11:40- reenter apartment, eat breakfast 12:00 P.M.- chat on computer while waiting for turn for shower 12:30 P.M.- shower and get ready, slowly 1:00 P.M.- leave apartment for the day's designated shopping/activity (usually shopping) after being yelled at some more and eating fish and rice for lunch. 6:00 P.M.- return back to apartment, use computer or read after washing 'filthy feet'. 8:00 P.M.- practice cello 9:00 P.M.- use computer to watch movies or chat (after fighting with lia) 12:00 A.M.- go to bed, try to sleep even though lia is skype-ing with her friends at home. 9:00 A.M.- start allll over again. i was so used to this pattern that going home led to me falling into another dream like state. what if the past three months had really just been a dream? what if my overactive mind had just imagined it up? i remember this so well: as we drove back to our utah home, a rainbow peeked out through the grey clouds. i still have the picture i took. my parents have been discussing the chance of maybe moving to korea someday. my confession? i wouldn't even be that sad. i love my friends, but i love korea, too, sacrifices or not. i now consider it home. |
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❝ The only excuse for making a useless thing
is that one enjoys it immensely;
All art is useless. ❞
