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Tuesday, June 9, 2009
every once in awhile (and i mean very occasionally), i go overboard when it comes to practicing. most of the time i either have a satisfying practicing session, working on things that i need to, or i kind of slack off (this happens more often than the former) and get distracted, not practicing as well as i could. but, when i have the right kind of motivation, i tend to over-practice. like, if there's a piece i really want to get perfect for a test, an audition, a performance, etc., i'll keep playing it over and over, stressing over every minor detail ('it squeaks slightly there', 'i over exaggerate that sforzando') and end up exhausting my hands, and not being able to play, period. today was one of those days. i've been playing the d minor bach suite, and recently started working on the courante. this sunday i'll be in california for a chamber music camp, and we'll be having a small, informal audition to decide what level we're at. today i decided i wanted to play the courante for that audition, and casually started practicing it so that i could have it ready by sunday. now my fingers are aching, and the song is stuck in my head. i played it on repeat for about half an hour, not really stopping to rest, and the entire piece, with the exception of about three chords, is made up of sixteenth notes. i practiced the last two lines of the piece repeatedly, and i don't know what comes over me, but i get so frustrated. it's like i can never get it quite right, and i don't want to stop playing until i can at least get through it once without making any errors. so, since i haven't playing it for long, i got so undeniably aggravated with myself. as a child, i played the piano, and when i made mistakes, i would get angry and bite my hands, certain that if i disciplined them (because it was obviously their fault), i would be able to get it right. needless to say, my masochism achieved nothing, except for bleeding fingers. even now, i feel this inexplicable urge to cause myself pain when i make mistakes practicing the cello. i, obviously, don't, but instead keep playing until my calluses crack and bleed (whoopee). this has actually happened more than once, but mostly around federation time. i just feel so inadequate, and i want to get it perfect, to sound better than most high school cellists do. i want to succeed at something i do, because nothing else seems to be working for me. |
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❝ The only excuse for making a useless thing
is that one enjoys it immensely;
All art is useless. ❞
